News of the Wild: Gobblers, pain or pleasure?


There is a current war being waged. The players? Myself versus the flock of wild turkeys in my neighborhood.

Long past are the days I wandered through the forest oohing and awing at the myriad of wild critters I come across. Sure, running across an elk herd or a feeding moose is glorious, and I’m not so disenchanted that I can’t still appreciate the little things.

That said, these turkeys must go.

They know when I’m running late.  Oh, they know. And every time I am, there they are, bopping around in their awkward cluster in the middle of the road. I sit there, honk, swear and attempt to drive around them. This only confuses them further, and the cluster spreads making it impossible to get by. They swerve their heads towards me, six blank stares bobbing in my direction.  I think my horn might even delight and attract them.

I don’t hunt.

I have never willingly killed another living thing with the exception of mosquitoes and spiders.  Still, I want to run them all over.

Since, as it seems, most people adore the population of wild turkey we have in Montana I have yet to come up with a way to make them go away. You know, like a ten point “how to” on ridding your life of these wretched little critters.

I did, however, come across something delightfully Montanan while hunting for turkey traps on the Internet. The Glasgow Hi-Line Gobblers Banquet held February 25.

This event was for the very same people who adore the creature, which has suddenly become the bane of my existence.  However, they love them because they love to shoot them. I could get into that…

The banquet was complete with a gun raffle including one gun to be given away at the kids’ table. Really? Free guns are one thing, but a free gun specified for the children’s prize in order to hunt wild turkeys?

Oh well, I still support it.